A sound mind and a sound body...

It’s been a long time since I was in school, so things may be different now, but almost all of the gym teachers I ever had were out of shape. Some were just in the early stages of physical decline, while others looked liked the Pillsbury Doughboy in sweatpants.

I always felt that having an out of shape gym teacher was like having a math teacher who can't add without a calculator or an English teacher who thinks homonyms are a type of grits. Just calling them teachers is straining the term anyway, because I don’t remember them actually teaching us anything. Blowing a whistle and yelling "Gimme 25 laps!" in a cigarette and whiskey ravaged voice is not teaching.

Neither is dividing the class into teams for dodge ball and then wagering on the ensuing mayhem. Well…the wagering part was just one of my theories, the other one was that all gym teachers had started off as real teachers but at some point had killed a student. They were then given the choice between going to prison or teaching physical education.

Now with so many doctors going around saying that America’s kids are overweight, surely we must expect gym teachers to set the best example possible. So, to them I raise my glass and say… "Gimme 25 laps!"