Sunday, February 05, 2006

Earth friendly...

Are you a fan of recycling and alternative medicine? Do you wish you could find ways to combine the two? Well, you’re in luck because I just happen to a few ideas right here…

Lawn dart acupuncture: Lawn darts are large, potentially lethal projectiles that used to be commonly found in suburban homes with big front lawns, spacious backyards and children whom were considered expendable. They’ve been banned in a lot of communities, so there are probably thousands of sets just gathering dust, but now you can use them in new twist on the centuries old science of acupuncture.

Just draw all the major pressure points on your body with a marker and let the kids fling away; they’re bound to hit something. It will also provide the little couch potatoes with the only exercise they’re likely to get.

New age chocolate milk
: Everyone knows that milk is good for kids, but are yours getting enough? Well, now you can be sure. Just add used coffee grinds instead of the usual chocolate mix and add a tablespoon of sugar. Your kid s will never know the difference and the small amount of caffeine still in the grinds will keep them coming back for more.

Really green tea: People who are into health food go on and on about the benefits of drinking green tea. You will never have to buy an ounce of the stuff because it can easily be made from the algae growing in that long neglected fish tank in your home and those expensive tropical fish that you bought for your spoiled, ungrateful kids make fine sushi.

Homemade hemorrhoid cream: Do you have one of those households that seem to have an endless supply of dead hamsters, gerbils or any of the rodents that kids have as pets and you just don’t know what to do with all the little corpses? Well I’ve got good news for you, some scientists (ok, one guy who used to be a pharmacist and now lives in a dumpster) have recently discovered that the fat of these animals makes a great hemorrhoid cream. You just boil them in a big pot of water, skim off the fat and store it in the refrigerator. The next time your roids act up you’ll be sitting pretty.

No thanks necessary…

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