Sunday, December 31, 2006

The apparel oft proclaims the man...

The recent death of Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet brought to mind something I had occasionally wondered about. I’m referring to the connection between many despots and really gaudy uniforms.

Yes, I know that these men like to constantly remind their citizens just who is in charge and of course they want to look as imposing as possible while doing so, but come on! Look at that uniform…if hell has a doorman, I’m sure he’s dressed just like that, and what is with the sash? Other that beauty pageant contestants what sane person wears a sash? Oh, that’s right…we’re talking about dictators here and sanity never was their strongest point.

Anyway, despite his valiant effort at sartorial pomposity Pinochet can’t hold a candle to the man that I think is the most absurdly dressed dictator of our time (although Idi Amin did give him a run for his money) Muammar al-Gaddafi, the leader of Libya.

Just take a moment to let the full impact of that uniform take hold. Hey look, there’s another sash and I’m positive that at least one of those two circular items pinned to it is a sprocket from a ten-speed bicycle. Not to mention, that scattered among the six pounds of unearned military medals he’s wearing there are at least three women’s brooches.

I’m guessing that they ran out of medals to “honor” Gaddafi with years ago, so now his underlings just run out to the nearest flea market to see what’s available. His heavily embroidered collar looks stiff enough to cut his throat…sadly it has yet to do so. Overall, I think if the “Good Humor” man had ever taken over a country this is how he would have looked.

I suppose the most glaring exception to this trend among dictators is of course Fidel Castro, with his simple, if somewhat drab style of dress. My personal theory is that the money other dictators would have spent on clothing, Fidel spent on cigars and special shampoos for his beard…viva la revoluciĆ³n!

Monday, December 25, 2006

Back in the saddle again...sort of.

What the hell happened here? I go away for a while and come back to find the comment section of my last post buried with spam. Listen spammers, believe me when I tell you that unless you’re sharing a cave with Osama Bin Laden, you can probably reach more people just by sticking your head out of your window and shouting at passersby, than you can reach by posting here.

Oh, and special thanks to Diesel and Jenna for stopping by and looking after the place while I was gone.

Anyway, unlike a lot of other blogs this here wordfest was never updated on a daily basis (more like every three or four days) but for the foreseeable future I will be inflicting my thoughts on the blogosphere only on a weekly (I hope) basis. So, to kind of get back into the swing of things, let’s look at the search engine queries that brought a few lost souls to this blog while I was away…

Casanova nude photo: given Casanova’s reputation I guess it’s not entirely unreasonable to wonder what he looked like without any clothes on, but that someone thought that there might be an actual photograph of the 18th century playboy is a little disturbing.

Donald Trump well endowed: you know, I’d bet my last dollar that it was Donald himself who googled that.

Three trannies at the pole: this either has something to do with an overcrowded transgender strip joint or it’s the title of the strangest Christmas movie ever made.

Gallstone humor: ‘cause if you can’t laugh at a painful medical condition, what can you laugh at?

Does Elton John wear a toupee: that’s a rhetorical question, right?

Bare assed schoolgirls: what do you want to bet that one was typed in with one hand?

How to treat a hunchback: why with kindness of course…hey, why not take him to see those tranny strippers.

Tidy bowl man captain: well, it’s been ages since I’ve actually seen the Tidy bowl man in any commercials, but I thought he’d be admiral by now…the lazy bastard!