Who knew that the world was full of so many people concerned about my health and happiness? I certainly didn’t and yet everyday my email inbox is filled with dozens and dozens of messages from people who seem to have my physical, emotional and financial well being on their minds.
They’ve offered to procure for me just about any pharmaceutical product in the world very cheaply and without any of those annoying little prescriptions,although for some reason they seem especially concerned with the size and performance of a very particular part of my anatomy.
I also get many wonderful, confidential stock tips guaranteed to make me fabulously wealthy. I haven’t the heart to tell them that I’ve apparently won several European lotteries just this month, so I don’t really need the extra money. It seems that they also think it’s time that I settled down because they keep offering to introduce me to "dozens of barely legal teens" and "sexy MILFS"…whatever they are.
Rolex watches, hair growth products and low interest loans are just a few of the things my unknown, would be benefactors want me to have. The international community has been just as generous as the good people here at home. Why, just from Nigeria alone I’ve received many munificent, if somewhat confusing business arrangements. Bless their little hearts, I hope each one of them gets what they deserve…I really do.
You know, it’s almost as if these people have the impression that I’m a bald, poorly endowed, lonely and financially naïve individual... it’s like they’ve been reading my diary.