Friday, January 20, 2006

Don't you dare hurt that fly...

I recently read about an idea that’s supposed to be gaining ground among animal rights activists, something to do with lobsters and a more ‘humane’ way to kill them. At least in restaurants anyway, there would be no more pulling them out of a tank and plunging them straight into a pot of boiling water, although I’m not sure what method the activists (or the lobsters for that matter) prefer.

The problem with groups of any kind, political, religious…whatever, is that from them often come ‘splinter’ groups. These splinter groups always feel that the original group made a good start, they just didn’t take things far enough. So, taking the ‘lobster lobby’ for a starting point (I don’t think they’re really called that, I just like the imagery) I wouldn’t be surprised if a group comes along that wants to extend its ideas to include all and I mean all living organisms.

This will lead them to do things like never wash themselves with soap to protect the millions of bacteria that live on every human being (‘It’s like an entire civilization, man!’) and to never launder their sheets or pillow cases…you know, because of the dust mites. They are also likely to believe that it is wrong to alter your pets either physically or behaviorally, so whether the dog is crapping on the carpet or getting romantic with your leg…it’s just part of owning a pet. Oh, and don’t call them pets…or say you own them, instead they will be referred to as your ‘cohabiting non-human companions’.

Of course, none of this applies to the animals themselves, since they don’t know any better they’ll still be allowed to do harm to each other and to us. So, if you ever find yourself about to be devoured by a pack of feral dogs, forgive them for their ignorance…and wish them ‘bon appetit’.

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