It has recently been revealed that back in 2002, the British Ministry of Defense conducted experiments to see if psychics could locate Osama Bin Laden. Of course I don’t have to tell you that they didn’t find him, but imagine my surprise to find out that one of the people involved was my friend and world renowned psychic Madame Putwonovaonya.
So I made a phone call and Madame P. agreed to come in and tell us all a little about this rather unusual endeavor:
TDB: Welcome Madame Putwonovaonya, it’s wonderful to see you again.
MP: I wish I could say the same.
TDB: Ha ha, always with the kidding. So, just how do you and your psychic pals go about finding someone?
MP: Well, the method is called “remote viewing” and…
TDB: Is that anything like what dolphins do?
MP: No, I think that’s echolocation.
TDB: Can you explain the difference between the two? I mean, besides the fact that dolphins can actually find things.
MP: I don’t think that’s quite fair…
TDB: Well, did you find Osama?
MP: No, but…
TDB: Were you able to locate any of his henchmen? How about anyone with a beard? Anyone at all…Cat Stevens…Grizzly Adams…Santa Claus…
MP: Look, we are talking about a very complex and mysterious phenomenon here. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, no matter how much you want it to.
TDB: Maybe you have the psychic equivalent of erectile dysfunction.
MP: What?! I most certainly do not…
TDB: There’s no need to be embarrassed, I’m sure it happens to a lot of psychics once they reach a certain age. There’s no shame in needing a little help from a pill or a potion to “stiffen your psychic antenna” so to speak.
MP: There is nothing wrong with my “psychic antenna”! And just how old do you think I am anyway?
TDB: Oh, I don’t know…somewhere between Larry King and Methuselah?
MP: I don’t know why I keep coming back here!
TDB: Maybe it’s because of the photographs I have of you with the husband of one of your clients. You know…the ones where you’re giving him a “reading”…if you catch my drift.
MP: Oh right, those…how did you get them anyway?
TDB: It’s a secret, but you can always consult your crystal ball.
MP: I hate you.
TDB: Madame Putwonovaonya, as always it’s been a pleasure.
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