Saturday, March 31, 2007

Just a few words before they go...

The final words of most famous historical figures went unrecorded or if they have come down to us, always seem to express a noble or brave sentiment. Being a skeptical sort of person I’ve always had doubts about this and after a lot of extensive research I am pleased to present to you the actual last words of some history’s most notable people…

George Washington: “You know, it really is true that I cannot tell a lie…but I did ‘choke the chicken’ every chance I could.”

Napoleon Bonaparte: “ They have finally managed to stop me, but at least I die knowing that the world will forever live in fear of French military might!”

Galileo Galilei: “Of all the wondrous discoveries I have made with my telescope, the most amazing of all is just how many women in this city get dressed with their window curtains wide open.”

John Wilkes Booth: “Huh…Lincoln? You mean that wasn’t the critic from the Times who wrote that I have ‘the stage presence of a bowl of oatmeal’? Oh, crap…”

Babe Ruth: “So many hookers…so little time.”

Christopher Columbus: “ The NiƱa, Pinta and Santa Maria…I mean, could the names of those ships be any gayer?”

Sigmund Freud: “Psychiatry, bah…I should have been a foot doctor like my momma wanted me to.”

Davy Crockett: “Seriously…if you guys bury me in this stupid hat, I swear to God I will come back and haunt you.”

Julius Caesar: “"You too, Brutus? You punk ass bitch!”

Alexander the Great: “Of course I’m dying young, you try living with the stress of being called the ‘Great’…thanks a lot mom and dad!”

Joan of Arc: “Do you smell smoke?”

William Shakespeare: “ Alas, ‘tis the hour of my death and verily I say to thee
How I devoutly wish that it was thou instead of me!”

Good old Willie…a poet to the bitter end.

Listed on


Jaesoreal said...

The Joan of Arc one was just wrong!

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Hitler: Hey. Cyanide tastes like coconut pie!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Jaesoreal- you're right, I put it as far down on the list as I could...but I just couldn't resist.

Foodaddy- you know, I probably should have come up with a separate list for history's biggest villains.

Sher said...

Caesar... LOL!

Very funny.

Diesel said...

Who knew Galileo was such a perv?

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Sher- Thank ye kindly!

Diesel- Now, I'm sure it was all in the interest of science...or something.

Anonymous said...

You forgot one.
Bubba Johnson: "Hold my beer, watch this."


Diesel said...

Drive-By - Come and play in my caption contest. And post something new already.

Emmie said...

This is such a brilliant post!!Lolz...very witty!!

Harry L said...

How about Nelson Rockefeller?
I bet when he said "Oh God I'm coming "
he didnt think God was taking him literally!

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