Saturday, March 31, 2007

Just a few words before they go...

The final words of most famous historical figures went unrecorded or if they have come down to us, always seem to express a noble or brave sentiment. Being a skeptical sort of person I’ve always had doubts about this and after a lot of extensive research I am pleased to present to you the actual last words of some history’s most notable people…

George Washington: “You know, it really is true that I cannot tell a lie…but I did ‘choke the chicken’ every chance I could.”

Napoleon Bonaparte: “ They have finally managed to stop me, but at least I die knowing that the world will forever live in fear of French military might!”

Galileo Galilei: “Of all the wondrous discoveries I have made with my telescope, the most amazing of all is just how many women in this city get dressed with their window curtains wide open.”

John Wilkes Booth: “Huh…Lincoln? You mean that wasn’t the critic from the Times who wrote that I have ‘the stage presence of a bowl of oatmeal’? Oh, crap…”

Babe Ruth: “So many hookers…so little time.”

Christopher Columbus: “ The NiƱa, Pinta and Santa Maria…I mean, could the names of those ships be any gayer?”

Sigmund Freud: “Psychiatry, bah…I should have been a foot doctor like my momma wanted me to.”

Davy Crockett: “Seriously…if you guys bury me in this stupid hat, I swear to God I will come back and haunt you.”

Julius Caesar: “"You too, Brutus? You punk ass bitch!”

Alexander the Great: “Of course I’m dying young, you try living with the stress of being called the ‘Great’…thanks a lot mom and dad!”

Joan of Arc: “Do you smell smoke?”

William Shakespeare: “ Alas, ‘tis the hour of my death and verily I say to thee
How I devoutly wish that it was thou instead of me!”


Good old Willie…a poet to the bitter end.

Listed on humor-blogs.com

17 comments:

Jaesoreal said...

The Joan of Arc one was just wrong!

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Hitler: Hey. Cyanide tastes like coconut pie!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Jaesoreal- you're right, I put it as far down on the list as I could...but I just couldn't resist.

Foodaddy- you know, I probably should have come up with a separate list for history's biggest villains.

Sher said...

Caesar... LOL!

Very funny.

Diesel said...

Who knew Galileo was such a perv?

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Sher- Thank ye kindly!

Diesel- Now, I'm sure it was all in the interest of science...or something.

Anonymous said...

You forgot one.
Bubba Johnson: "Hold my beer, watch this."

Skul

Diesel said...

Drive-By - Come and play in my caption contest. And post something new already.

Emmie said...

This is such a brilliant post!!Lolz...very witty!!

Harry L said...

How about Nelson Rockefeller?
I bet when he said "Oh God I'm coming "
he didnt think God was taking him literally!

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