Sunday, March 04, 2007

Read any good books lately...

The woman in the photograph is publisher Judith Regan, who recently lost her job after agreeing to publish a controversial book by OJ Simpson and an extremely unflattering biography of baseball legend Mickey Mantle.

Well, it turns out that was just the tip of the iceberg. Here are some other books she had planned to publish in the very near future…


By The Light of an Aryan Moon
: a collection of little known love poems by Adolph Hitler, with a moving introduction by Mel Gibson.


The Devil Wore A Cardigan: An unauthorized “warts and all” biography of beloved children’s television icon “Mr. Rogers”. Among other things, this book alleges that Rogers would sometimes come to work drunk, start groping the female cast members while yelling, “I guess I’m Mr. McFeely today!”

Captain Eno and The New Junior Hardy Boys in: The Case of the Missing Pajamas, by Michael Jackson: This first attempt at a children’s book by the former “King of Pop” finds the grandsons of the original Hardy boys up to their prepubescent necks in trouble as they try to help the mysterious Captain Eno prove his innocence.

Thin Like Me, by Nicole Ritchie: The former “Simple Life” co-star generously shares her weight loss secrets. When asked why she wrote it Nicole said, “ I hope that even plus-sized women like Paris Hilton will be able to benefit from this book.

Robert Blake’s Big Book of Alibis: Before finally settling on “It’ couldn’t have been me, I had gone back to the restaurant to get the gun I had left there” Blake had considered many other alibis when he was accused of shooting his wife, including:

I’m afraid of loud noises

The sight of blood makes me woozy


I permanently crippled my trigger finger back when I played “Baretta”


Any bangin’ I do with a broad don’t involve a gun, and dat’s da name of dat tune.



Sadly none of these books will now see the light of day, but I’m sure Ms. Regan will land on her feet. After all it’s hard to keep a good muckraker down.



Listed on humor-blogs.com

10 comments:

Michael C said...

Those are great!!

Diesel said...

She shouldn't have made those publishing decisions so soon after reading Britney Spears' memoir How to Make Good Decisions at the Peak of Your Career.

tkkerouac said...

love your thumbnail and name.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Michael C- Thank you very kindly.

Diesel- True, and Britney never should have written a book before ever having read one:)

tkkerouac- Thanks, but I like yours even better.

gledwood said...

Ooer she seems to have had a lot of plastic surgery for someone who works in the dusty world of book publishing ... oh well it is the 21st century... BTW I used to read the Hardy Boys mysteries. Had to keep looking up words like "retorted" in the dictionary ...

You have a v entertaining blog btw u must drop by mine --gledwood2.blogspot-- it is pretty different 2 yours (secret diary type of blog) so come by and laugh at my innermost secrets!!!

See ya there!

Gledwood

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Rogers always creeped me out a little. Mostly it was those dented puppets of his.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

gledwood - Thanks, I will certainly stop by.

Foodaddy- I started having doubts about Rogers when my niece wouldn't watch his show at all...ever.

Anita said...

Ha! Very funny. Love the Devil Wore a Cardigan, I'd read it (although I might skip the groping parts)!

Dan said...

Thanks for bringing back the image of Mr. McFeely, easily the creepiest character in any children's TV show that I have ever seen.

(I wouldn't be surprise if the guy playing him did grope the women on the set.)

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Anita- Thanks, that's actually a book I'd want to read too...but I would probably highlight the groping parts.

Dan- "Thanks for bringing back the image of Mr. McFeely, easily the creepiest character in any children's TV show that I have ever seen"

No problem Dan...it's what I do :)