The Emerald Isle...

I have often been told that somewhere in our family’s history, lost in the mists of time, there was an Irishman. So, as Saint Patrick’s day approaches, I thought I would pay tribute to this mysterious ancestor of mine with a post about the patron saint of Ireland.

Since most people already know that he is said to have driven the snakes out of Ireland, here is a list of lesser-known facts about Saint Patrick…


He was in fact, the very first “Lord of the Dance”.

He instituted a height limit for leprechauns. Originally, they came in all sizes, but Saint Patrick soon realized that the bigger ones were just creepy.

He vanquished the last of the great pagan chieftains by beating him in a shamrock-eating contest.

For a while, Saint Patrick had a religious rival…a fellow by the name of McDour, but the rivalry ended when McDour was caught committing an unnatural act with his shillelagh and was excommunicated.

His valiant struggle to resist the charms of an extremely beautiful Druid priestess, was made much easier when he found out that her name when translated from ancient Gaelic meant “Scrotum Crusher”.

The idea for a parade in honor of Saint Patrick actually came from the man himself. As he explained at the time “Eh, modesty has never been my strong point.”


Now, if you’ll excuse me, in accordance with the customs set down by the Ancient Order of Semi- Hibernians, I must now go put on something green and listen to the music of Sinead O'Connor for an hour. It could be worse…it could be Enya.

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