A group of chimpanzees was recently discovered in Senegal, making and using sharpened sticks to hunt small mammals with.
So far, no one seems alarmed by this…except perhaps our ever-vigilant Department of Homeland Security. There’s a rumor going around (or at least there will be if I have anything to say about it) that the DHS is looking into the possibility that terrorists are actually training these chimps to fight on their side against the West.
Let’s face it, when you’re main strategy involves suicide bombers, you’re going to start running low on people sooner or later. But it’s not just chimps, the DHS thinks that other primates may be used as well. Here’s a list of what the DHS believes we may be facing:
The Marmoset Slingshot Battalion
The Lemur Brass knuckle Division
The Capuchin monkey Blowgun Corps
The Orangutan Machete Strike Force
The Howler monkey Switchblade Regiment
The Baboon Baseball bat Squadron
Of course, the DHS doesn’t know for sure when attacks by these furry terrorists might begin, so when ever you find yourself at a circus, zoo or a pet store that sells “exotic” animals…stay alert!