Monday, October 30, 2006

Trick or treat...

Halloween is my favorite holiday. No forced Christmas “goodwill”, no desperate New Year’s “revelry”, just reminders of our mortality and greedy children as far as the eye can see. So, to honor the day, I offer a glimpse into one of my prize possessions. Here are some excerpts from the diary of Dr.Frankenstein’s lab assistant, the one and only…Igor!

March 10, 1798
Dear diary,
The master is in one of his moods today, going on and on about how hard it is to find good help these days.
Just because the brain I stole for the creature he’s making turned out to have been taken from a homicidal maniac. I swear, sometimes there’s just no pleasing that man. Not to mention he still hasn’t fixed the hump on my back like he promised…although he did do a great job of liposuctioning my thighs.

March 28, 1798
Dear diary,
Things continue to go badly for the master. For weeks he’s been trying to reanimate his creature with no success. The electricity bill is going to be enormous and I think his new bride is already proving very “popular” with many of the master’s male servants…if you know what I mean.

April 12, 1798
Dear diary,
Finally, the creature that the master stitched together from several dead bodies has sprung to life! On the downside, it has killed quite a few people, including the master’s young bride. Oh, it seems that the homicidal maniac, whose brain is now in the creature, was also a homosexual. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…except that it may be a few days before the master can sit comfortably again.

April 26, 1798
Dear diary,
Well, it looks like I’m unemployed. Last night an angry mob of villagers armed with torches and pitchforks burned down the castle with the creature still inside of it. It’s too bad really…he had done such a lovely job of redecorating it.

The master has gone off to Vienna to try to forget. As for me, there’s a humpback convention in Munich and who knows…with any luck maybe I’ll find a “Mrs. Igor”. Wish me luck dear diary!


Dan said...

Drive-by, laugh-out-loud funny!

By the way, is it Igor (as specified here and as in the Mel Brooks film), or Fritz (as in the 1931 Universal flim), or what? And isn't that a graphic of the Hunchback of Notre Dame?

I need answers! I need answers!

Diesel said...

Very funny.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Thanks guys.That is indeed Igor,Dan. Fritz may have come first, but the world forgot about him after Igor came along(well, not including you apparently).

As for Igor and the Hunchback of Notre Dame...uh,they're cousins...yeah that's it...cousins. So naturally, there's a family resemblance. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

neva said...

well sure, hunchbacks run along family lines, i thought everyone knew that.

funny funny post, TDB (as usual), thanks for the great laughs, and Happy Hallowe'en!! xox

Alastair P. Forbes said...

It's a good thing the monster didn't get a hold of Igor. You'd think having the 'humpback' would be an unfortunate feature with a creature like that running around.

Very funny, great blog!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Thank you Alastair. I think Igor was safe...I hear the creature had a thing for doctors.

Just Tom said...

You make bad pictures in my head. But somebody beat me to the humpback comment. Except, I guess that made two humpbacks in the castle. nyuk, nyuk.

I am not on Diesel's list.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

"Hunchback Convention." I'd go see that band.