Wednesday, October 18, 2006

The Devil's IQ...

Despite having less inclination towards spiritual matters than your average living room sofa, there is something I’ve often wondered about Satan worshipers.

Namely, have they ever been concerned that their chosen deity might be…well…special? I mean, “short yellow school bus special” if you catch my drift.


The reason I ask is because as I’ve heard the story told, Satan was an angel in heaven who rebelled and was cast into hell. Now, the trouble I have with that scenario is imagining anyone of sound mind looking over at the being that has created every thing in the universe, is all knowing, all powerful and saying “Yeah, I think I can take him.”

I mean, there would have to be something wrong with you right? Exactly what part of ‘all powerful’ did this celestial retard not understand? Just imagine the most lopsided fight you can think of…Gary Coleman versus Hulk Hogan, Mike Tyson versus Dakota Fanning …whatever. This would have been a billion times worse.

Furthermore, even after the entirely predictable result of getting his ass kicked, Lucifer (Latin for ‘dim bulb’) is said to be waging war against his creator to this very day. With that kind of flawed decision-making, you have to at least consider the possibility of brain damage, don’t you?

To any Satan worshipers who feel offended, remember now this is just a little metaphysical speculation on my part, so don’t get your robes all in a twist and start threatening me with your hexes and whatnot. I support your right to worship any mentally challenged deity you choose and anyway, don’t you have a short yellow school bus to catch?

6 comments:

Diesel said...

Holy crap, that was funny.

Maybe he's smarter than you think though. What if he knows that God will forgive anyone who asks for it, and he's immortal, so it's not like he has to worry about a sudden death screwing up his premeditated death-bed confession. He probably just looked over at the other angels with a smirk on his face and said, "Watch this...."

Jenna Howard said...

I do NOT take the short yellow school bus! ~harrumph~ Thou art cursed! CURSED!!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Thanks diesel.


Of course not you jenna...I meant the other Satan worshipers.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Recently, I have had accusations of Satan-worship leveled at me by one of my fellow bloggers. As I am a reasonably inteluhjint person, this further bolsters my claim that he's fulla crap.

My religion centers around the combined power of bedroom slippers and carbonated beverages.

It's a very small religion.

Dan said...

Listen friend, I don't know about your couch, but my couch is plenty spiritual. It's very holy. In fact, it has holes all over it.

Har, har, har. OK, so you saw that one coming.

RisingSlowly said...

You are highly amusing.