Friday, October 20, 2006

An open letter to Angelina Jolie...

Dear Angelina,

Oh no, she didn’t!

So, Madonna is trying to move in on your international baby adoption racket. Are you going to take that? Are you going to let that kabbalah loving, awful movie making, relic from the 1980’s get away with it?


The ball is in your court...the stakes have been raised... a challenged has been issued...the gauntlet has been thrown down…well, I’ve run out of clichés . The point is, if you wish to retain your position as Hollywood’s preeminent orphan baby abductor…er, I mean adopter, then you must move quickly.

If I may be so bold as to offer some advice, I think the time has come to scale up your entire baby adoption program. No more of this one kid at a time stuff, on your next trip to…where ever the hell it is you’re going to next, adopt an entire orphanage.

I know it sounds expensive, but don’t worry about the cost, just pout those flesh colored airbags you call your lips and they’ll probably give you a group rate. Not to mention, if you reconcile with your dad, you’ll have an instant baby sitter…just don’t ask him to remember their names.

Then just sit back and watch Madonna’s head explode as she tries to figure out how to top that.

Sincerely yours,
TDB

10 comments:

Dan said...

I knew it would happen sooner or later! Your and my most recent posts are about Madonna.

I'm not taking any chances. I've decided to restock my underground bunker this afternoon.

Diesel said...

This raises the question:

Would you rather be Madonna's adopted child or be Courtney Love's natural child?

And I have to say, if Angelina Jolie wants to adopt a drooling idiot who is obsessed with her breasts, I'm available.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Let's see, being raised by Madonna would doubtless be bizarre, but the idea of having Courtney Love for a mom is just terrifying.

"a drooling idiot who is obsessed with her breasts"

Oh, you mean you...at first I thought you were referring to either Billy Bob Thornton or Brad Pitt.

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