Wednesday, July 12, 2006

For your eyes only...

I don’t know about anyone else, but I was surprised to read that a man had actually been arrested for trying to sell Coca-Cola’s secrets to Pepsi. Secrets? Are they talking about the "secret formula" that’s used to make Coca-Cola? I always thought that that was a myth, you know, a marketing ploy. Anyway, even if it does exist, why such ruthlessness in keeping it a secret? Could it be that there’s some ingredient in it so appalling that if it were made public it would bring the company to ruin?

We here at the Drive-by Blogger laboratory have decided to get to the bottom of this and have started analyzing this beverage to discover the "secret" ingredient that makes Coke "the real thing". We’ve still got a lot of testing to do, but we’ve narrowed it down to these substances:

Pork fat

Cough syrup

Ragweed pollen

Monkey glands

Orphan sweat

Low grade plutonium


Hobbit toes

McDonald’s special sauce…you’re next.


Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

McDonald's "Special" sauce already tastes like Hobbit toes, so I think you may be on to something here, TDBB.

Did you know that the main ingredient of their milkshakes is pulverized kitten dreams? It's true.

neva said...

of course, when it first came out, coke's original "mystery ingredient" was cocaine, tho' that was quickly replaced by caffeine. still, since it was developed/intended initially as a headache remedy, maybe there's a fear the FDA might get involved. which might mean folks would eventually need a prescription in order to drink the stuff. (can't ya see 'em opening up a counter near the pharmacy at CVS and/or Long's?)

yes yes... i knew i was being a bore by adding that wikipedia link. and yet, i did it. why? how the hell should i know? i guess it's because i haven't had enough caffeine today, and am, therefore, not thinking straight. sorry about that...

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Hey Paul, the good thing about pulverized kitten dreams is that they're low carb...I think.

You know Neva, I've always gotten a kick out of the fact that one of the most nutritionally bankrupt beverages available was once presented to the public as a health drink.

G said...

Well, I think Coke is Kosher so the pork fat is out. Now my brother in his youth once worked at a chicken feed factory and part of what went into the feed was bra straps - elastic. If it's good for the chickens...

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