Saturday, June 30, 2007

What's really going on here

As a doting uncle, I’ve probably been exposed to more children’s television than is healthy for a normal adult brain. Of course, in my case it is also probably true that I have less to lose in that regard than most people do.

Be that as it may, some of these TV shows, innocuous though they may seem, raise some perplexing and even disturbing questions…


SpongeBob SquarePants: Ok, I get it, he lives in a pineapple under the sea…but does he own or rent? Also, despite being surrounded by fish, the main characters on this show are a sponge, a starfish and a squid…so, is this program being used to push the invertebrate agenda? Just what do they have against backbones?




Dora the Explorer: Exactly who is funding all this “exploring” anyway? Is it the oil companies? Is she part of some kind of covert CIA operation? Or is this show some kind of allegory about the evils of colonialism and if so, what the hell does the blue monkey symbolize?






Teletubbies: The most obvious question here is…what the hell are these things? Are they mentally challenged aliens? Or are they someone’s idea of what human beings will be like after another million years or so of sitting on the couch watching television? In either case, why does the sun have a laughing baby’s head in the middle of it? And did anyone remember to put sunscreen on the baby?



I posed these questions to my youngest niece, a sharp-witted little lass of five, who I think knows more than she lets on. Her only response was to smile at me and turn back to her program. Oh, she’s crafty all right.


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18 comments:

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

I reeeeeaaaally hate the Teletubbies. They say that violent TV and video games create superfluous anger in children. However, I've discovered that the Teletubbies make me more homicidal than all the Grand Theft Autos combined.

The OE said...

I got my nephew and neice, 4 and 2 respectively, a Sponge Bob acquarium and two gold fish. Sponge Bob fell off of his surf board and had to be repaired. A month later my niece stole the water chesnuts from my cabinet and refused to return them, even after a very logical argument. Are the two events related?

HollyGL said...

I am sooooo creeped out by the Teletubbies. Seriously, I would love to know who concocted such a screaming example of freakishness!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

foodaddy- Hmm...the Teletubbie defense. Should make for an interesting murder trial.

OE- Very possibly...logic does not play a big part in SpongeBob's world.

HollyGL- I know what you mean,and I'm someone who's usually right at home with freakishness...screaming or otherwise.

crys said...

how can someone hate the teletubbies? or that baby in the sun? for shame!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Hey there Crys... it's the TV type things in their bellies, I think...oh, and I don't hate the baby in the sun, I just worry about all the UV rays the little bugger must be absorbing.

Jenna Howard said...

With my nephew it's the Wiggles and Baby Einstein. He kept telling me "Baby Stein Hat. Hat. Hat Auntie Hat." I had no idea which tape he was referring to and hit play on the one in the vcr. Phew. Tantrum averted.

Allen said...

Teletubbies has nothing on Boobah! THAT is a show created for the perpetually-stoned. Of course, Teletubbies goes better after cold medication--and I kinda wish I had a tv in my belly. It'd certainly make my sermons more interesting: "Now watch this..."

Thomas the Tank Engine is the one that worries me, though. I don't think I can ever ride a train again, having been made aware of the intense emotional turmoil they experience.

Rodrigo said...

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Bernie said...

Although Mr. SquarePants has no backbone, he does have the guts to wear a red tie with brown pants, and a short sleeve shirt with a tie. Both of those are considered by some to be fashion transgressions. I would have said he has the balls to violate these fashion rules, but it appears that would not be as accurate. Unless they too are square.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Jenna- My niece had a brief flirtation with the Wiggles show, fortunately she moved on and I didn't have to hang myself.

Allen- Of course if you did have that belly TV thing, someone would always being trying to change the channel. Luckily, I've been spared the angst that is Thomas the Tank Engine.

Bernie- I suspect that SpongeBob may belong to some fascist organization and that outfit is their uniform...but it's just a theory.

Fanton said...

Re: The Teletubbies. As The Master observed in an episode of Doctor Who recently, "Look at them. Television, in their stomachs. Now that's evolution."

They are what we are destined to become, I'm afraid.

Diesel said...

Thanks for cutting through the nonsense and asking the tough questions about Spongebob.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Fanton- Well, we can always hope for one of those unexplained mass extinctions scientists are always talking about.

Diesel- If this doesn't win me a Pulitzer I don't know what will.

Sher said...

Thank the gods that my youngest is 13 thereby sparing me the misery that is children's programming. You are such a good uncle for watching such propaganda with your niece!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Thank you kindly Sher!

Jaesoreal said...

I am a huge fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force! That show teaches you all sorts of powerful things about radioactive food!

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