It’s time once again to take a look at what people were searching for when they wound up here in the land of the drive-by blogger. To be honest, I think I get more enjoyment out of this than anyone else, but here goes…
Jack the necrophiliac: The part of the nursery rhyme you hadn’t heard. I guess climbing up a hill to fetch a pail of water wasn’t’ Jack’s only passion.
Olympic boinking icon: Who knew that this was an Olympic event, let alone what the icon for it is. Gold medal, bronze medal, who the hell cares…just tell me where the tryouts are being held.
Cyanide pie: I’d bet my last dollar that it was Martha Stewart who typed those words. The judge who sentenced her to prison might want to avoid baked goods for a while…I’m telling you this woman never forgets.
Average life span of sumo wrestler: Well, lets’ put it this way, I’m pretty sure that unlike baseball, there’s no “Old Timer’s Day” in sumo wrestling.
World record largest bowel movement: I don’t have any exact numbers on this, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if it involved one of the aforementioned sumo wrestlers.
Alternate uses for a motorcycle helmet: Lets see…a hot tub for hamsters, an ashtray, a some what leaky Jell-O mold…oh, the possibilities are endless.
Naked druid priestess: Probably someone from the “Dungeons & Dragons” crowd surfing for porn.
Cat Stevens half eaten sandwich: I couldn't figure out if this was a search for a Cat Stevens song called “Half eaten sandwich” or if someone was looking to buy an actual sandwich that Cat Stevens didn’t get to finish. This may haunt me forever.
The howler monkey’s enemy: Anyone who has ever heard the song “Daydream Believer”, no wait…wrong group of monkey’s.
Strudel sayings: When you start to believe baked goods have the ability to speak, you’ve probably “over medicated” yourself.
By the way, a while back I wrote a post a TV show called ““Man Vs Wild” starring survivalist Bear Grylls and ever since there has been a barrage of people searching for nude photos of the man. So, if you’re reading this Mr. Grylls (hey, it could happen) I just wanted you to know that if the TV thing doesn’t work out, you’ve probably got a good future as a male stripper.
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