Sunday, June 17, 2007

Curious seekers...

It’s time once again to take a look at what people were searching for when they wound up here in the land of the drive-by blogger. To be honest, I think I get more enjoyment out of this than anyone else, but here goes…

Jack the necrophiliac: The part of the nursery rhyme you hadn’t heard. I guess climbing up a hill to fetch a pail of water wasn’t’ Jack’s only passion.

Olympic boinking icon: Who knew that this was an Olympic event, let alone what the icon for it is. Gold medal, bronze medal, who the hell cares…just tell me where the tryouts are being held.

Cyanide pie: I’d bet my last dollar that it was Martha Stewart who typed those words. The judge who sentenced her to prison might want to avoid baked goods for a while…I’m telling you this woman never forgets.

Average life span of sumo wrestler: Well, lets’ put it this way, I’m pretty sure that unlike baseball, there’s no “Old Timer’s Day” in sumo wrestling.

World record largest bowel movement: I don’t have any exact numbers on this, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if it involved one of the aforementioned sumo wrestlers.

Alternate uses for a motorcycle helmet: Lets see…a hot tub for hamsters, an ashtray, a some what leaky Jell-O mold…oh, the possibilities are endless.

Naked druid priestess: Probably someone from the “Dungeons & Dragons” crowd surfing for porn.

Cat Stevens half eaten sandwich: I couldn't figure out if this was a search for a Cat Stevens song called “Half eaten sandwich” or if someone was looking to buy an actual sandwich that Cat Stevens didn’t get to finish. This may haunt me forever.

The howler monkey’s enemy: Anyone who has ever heard the song “Daydream Believer”, no wait…wrong group of monkey’s.

Strudel sayings: When you start to believe baked goods have the ability to speak, you’ve probably “over medicated” yourself.


By the way, a while back I wrote a post a TV show called ““Man Vs Wild” starring survivalist Bear Grylls and ever since there has been a barrage of people searching for nude photos of the man. So, if you’re reading this Mr. Grylls (hey, it could happen) I just wanted you to know that if the TV thing doesn’t work out, you’ve probably got a good future as a male stripper.

Listed on humor-blogs.com

19 comments:

CrummyJoel said...

I think you can find Cat Stevens' half-eaten sandwich in the passenger's seat of Jon Voight's LeBaron.

Jenna Howard said...

Hey. Where's the sign up form for olympic boinking?

paisley said...

well... you've certainly got my attention!!!!!!!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

CrummyJoel- If so it probably had that chewed up pencil sticking in it.

Jenna Howard- Still trying to find out. I wonder if there'll be a synchronized event?

paisley- Then my work here is done ;)

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

I'd REALLY like to see what the people looking for "strudel sayings" were looking for. Are these quotes they were planning on embroidering with yarn, framing and hanging over the mantelpiece?

I love this stuff too, so keep it up!

Diesel said...

Someone's looking for the howler monkey's enemy?! They're on to me! Don't tell them where I am!

Mad goat lady said...

Love it ..love it ...love it!

Lord Likely said...

You truly have some bizarre people stumbling upon these pages. Most of my searches seem to be of a rather lewd nature, and are not fit for human ears.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

pfb- "hanging over the mantelpiece"
Instead of the velvet Elvis painting...perish the thought.

Diesel- I think they may have been tipped off by one of your other Adjutant Inspectors.

Mad goat lady- Welcome back Mad goat lady...I just love saying Mad goat lady!

Lord Likely- Indeed, "stumbling upon these pages" is the key phrase...I suspect large amounts of alcohol are involved in many of these searches.

Blur Ting said...

Blame it on Holly. She's pointing us here...but we're not complaining.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Welcome Blur Ting and please thank Holly for me.

Jeremy Jacobs said...

Interesting Blog.

Jeremy Jacobs said...

bonking or boinking?

Anonymous said...

"Strudel sayings:"

And number one on the list -- don't eat any of Martha Stewart's pie.

Skul

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Jeremy Jacobs- Thanks...oh it's definitely boinking.

Skul- Didn't that particular saying get it's start while she was in prison?

BrentD said...

I am laughing so hard, I am actually crying.

"Hey big boy, what did you get your gold medal for?"

Jaesoreal said...

Drive-by, you're invited to dinner. We are having cyanide pie and negro bowls...now with biscuits!

Random Magus said...

I stumbled upon your blog because I found your blogger ID 'Drive-by Blogger' irresistible...

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Random Magus- Please feel free to stumble by any old time.