Friday, July 06, 2007

I beg your pardon...

As far as this blog goes, I tend to avoid politics like the plague. However, occasionally a bit of political news filters through my defenses…I’m never happy about it, but it happens.

Take for example the recent news item about President Bush and whether he would or wouldn’t pardon some dude named “Scooter” Libby (turns out he didn’t, but he did commute his prison sentence).

Now, I have no idea why the president has that power or what induced him to use it in this particular case…other than he figured that a grown man going through life with a name like “Scooter" had been punished enough.


Anyway, according to my good friend the eminent scholar Monty Dingham Smythington, it turns out that the constitution gives the president other, rarely heard of powers as well. Here are just a few…


He can compel all citizens to bathe once a year, whether they need it or not. (Hey, they had different ideas about hygiene back then)

In case of a nation wide famine the president reserves the right to resort to cannibalism, but the victims, thereafter to be known as “sacrificial patriots”, must be chosen from his own political party.

In the event of an invasion by a foreign power, the president can commandeer any and all horses, carriages and women’s clothing necessary to get him to safely to Canada. Unless of course that foreign power is Canada…stop laughing, it could happen.

The president can preside over any trial in which the defendant or plaintiff is a “saucy tavern wench”. (It’ seems that Ben Franklin insisted on that one)

He can force all members of congress to take part in a rousing game of “Simon says”, the loser of which has to mow the White House lawn.

And finally, the president is the one and only, “official bikini inspector” of these United States. (Most scholars think that this one wasn’t originally part of the constitution, but was written in by someone during the Kennedy administration)


You know, sometimes you just have to wonder if the “founding fathers” might have been wearing their wigs a little too tight.


Listed on humor-blogs.com

12 comments:

HollyGL said...

The visual of George Bush (either one) in women's clothing... well, I laughed out loud - AGAIN! At least he would likely keep his mouth shut in order to elude detection - one would assume, anyway.

Generally, his normal appearance in a public forum elicits from me the thoughts: 'Shhh! Just Shhhh! Pleeease just don't say ANYTHING!'. Have a great day, TDB! :)

paisley said...

i'm thinking clinton was in on a couple of these......he always was rather fond of a tavern wentch in a bikini!!!!!!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

hollygl- Why thank you very much HGL!

paisley- Yep, could've been Clinton. I kind of figured Kennedy would have been his role model in that department.

Jaesoreal said...

The Official Bikini Inspector is classic!

Anonymous said...

Your comments about Bush are uncalled for! If it were not for him, and past presidents, we would not have the freedom we enjoy today. Your silly like your friend tricia!

Lord Likely said...

I would like to put myself forward as Official Bikini Inspector.

It is a tough job, but someone has to do it.

Diesel said...

These days the "Saucy tavern wench" clause of the Constitution is generally thought be legal scholars to apply to Paris Hilton as well.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Lord Likely- Judging by your well known history with women, I fear you may indeed be over qualified.

Diesel- Possibly, although if Paris Hilton had entered a tavern in Ben Franklin's day, she probably would have been mistaken for a swizzle stick.

Blur Ting said...

Oh, our President here has this power too. Not the bikini part, but the right to pardon criminals.

Crystal said...

i'll be your sacrificial patriot any day.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Blur Ting- What about criminals wearing bikinis? :)

Crystal- Ah Crys, you always know the right thing to say.

Evegen said...

Crystal, I :)