Tuesday, November 07, 2006

To put it another way...

The subject of death came up in a conversation I was having with someone…it might have been myself. Sometimes I forget to take my medication.

Anyway, for many people talking about death is never easy. Which is why people often resort to euphemisms like “passed away” or “gone to meet their maker” or the less reverent but more colorful “kicked the bucket.”

There are others but the problem is they’re all too general and we live in an age of specialization. So here’s a list of new euphemisms for death and the groups they’re intended for…

Environmentalists:

“Being recycled”

“Shacking up with Mother Nature”


Sports fans:


“Racing in the pine box derby”

“Ejected from the game”


The hopelessly politically correct
:


“Living impaired”

“Existentially challenged”


Computer geeks:


“Uploaded” (if you liked them) or “downloaded” (if you didn’t)

“Deleted from life’s hard drive”


Politicians:


“Stuffing the final ballot box”

“Joined a grass roots movement”


Musicians:


“On tour with the Lord”

“Collecting cosmic royalties, man”


Young people in particular have a hard time understanding this difficult
concept, so for them I’ve come up these…


“Hangin’ with the Reaper”

“Permanent detention”

“Doing the Bone Yard Bop”

“Chillin’ in da Crypt”


So any help getting these in to common usage would be appreciated. If I could only see it happen before I have my “appointment with the heavenly therapist”, I’d be a happy man.

12 comments:

G said...

I almost can't wait for the next death so that I can introduce one from your list. Nobody close or anything - yeesh. Bad Karma bad karma bad karma.

Dan said...

If you're looking for someone who can promote your euphemisms, ask Diesel. He can promote anything. ;)

Diesel said...

Right now I'm focusing on tooth decay.

Diesel said...

Great post, btw. :)

neva said...

you *do* have a way with words, my friend. Living Impaired? that's good.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Thanks everyone, and G, just forward any bad karma you might get from this to me...I'll just toss it with the small mountain I've accumulated.

Oh yeah, the next life should be a doozy.

Mirk said...

I'm an old fart but I'd go with hangin with the reaper.

It's pure dead minted man as we that know da youf would say!

Just Tom said...

Great exercise. Love it. How about the atheist: Going nowhere fast

Marcus Aurelius said...

Along with Existentially Challenged, there's Metaphysically Challenged...

Anonymous said...

For Tom's atheists...

All dressed up with nowhere to go.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

I can't believe I forgot atheists. Thanks to Tom and Anonymous for picking up the slack on that one.

Jae said...

I almost want to send someone to the boneyard so I can use some of these goodies!