I must confess that Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday. I told this to my grand-pappy, right before he was sent away to the Sunny Meadows Home for the Criminally Incontinent, and he said, “ It ain’t your fault boy…you come from a long line of ungrateful bastards.”Having been taught never to argue with my elders (unless you were sure they were unarmed) I just nodded my head. Anyway, I knew he was probably right, because old grand-pappy was as wise as his pants were wet.
Still, I’d thought that this year I’d look inwards and see if there wasn’t at least a little gratitude in me somewhere. So here is my list of things that I’m thankful for…
The fact that Geraldo Rivera doesn’t have a twin.
That I’m not a proctologist…my view of the world is dim enough, thank you.
The VCR and especially the fast-forward button…I don’t think I could watch TV without it.
Distant relatives…very distant.
That I’m not burdened by incredible good looks or awe-inspiring talent…really, I mean, who wants that right? Certainly not me, so… thanks to whatever cosmic force or coincidental set of circumstances responsible for averting that tragedy.
Well, that’s not much of a list is it? I guess my dear old grand-pappy was right after all…bless his moist memory.
4 comments:
Two words for you, Drive-by: Ti Vo.
Or maybe that's one word. Come to think of it, it's not a word at all. What the hell kind of name is "Tivo?"
Anyway, you totally need it. You'll thank me.
Generally, I stay a good ten years behind in the technology department. By the time I actually get TiVo, most other people will probably already have TV micro-chips in their skulls.
Dude! Aren't you thankful for that rock they dug up in your neighborhood?? How soon they forget. Your grandpappy was right ... you are an ungrateful bastard.
Incidentally, I already have a micro-chip in my skull, but it's a different kind than the one of which you speak.
TDB...I believe Tivo will be 10-years old next year? As diesel says...it's time. It will change your life - like it or not. I'm in agreement on "distant relatives," the more the better...distance that is.
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