I must confess that Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday. I told this to my grand-pappy, right before he was sent away to the Sunny Meadows Home for the Criminally Incontinent, and he said, “ It ain’t your fault boy…you come from a long line of ungrateful bastards.”
Having been taught never to argue with my elders (unless you were sure they were unarmed) I just nodded my head. Anyway, I knew he was probably right, because old grand-pappy was as wise as his pants were wet.
Still, I’d thought that this year I’d look inwards and see if there wasn’t at least a little gratitude in me somewhere. So here is my list of things that I’m thankful for…
The fact that Geraldo Rivera doesn’t have a twin.
That I’m not a proctologist…my view of the world is dim enough, thank you.
The VCR and especially the fast-forward button…I don’t think I could watch TV without it.
Distant relatives…very distant.
That I’m not burdened by incredible good looks or awe-inspiring talent…really, I mean, who wants that right? Certainly not me, so… thanks to whatever cosmic force or coincidental set of circumstances responsible for averting that tragedy.
Well, that’s not much of a list is it? I guess my dear old grand-pappy was right after all…bless his moist memory.