Sunday, November 26, 2006

Let's get highbrow...

I believe it’s time once again to try to raise the tone of this rather plebian blog. So, with the help of some research provided to me by my good friend the eminent scholar Monty Dingham Smythington, we’ll be taking a look at ancient Greek mythology. However, instead Zeus, Apollo and all the other well known gods and goddesses, we will focus on some of the lesser-known deities…


Epillitus: the goddess of body hair…no well-groomed ancient would shave without first asking her to bless their razor.

Bocephus: the god of moonshine…as well as temporary blindness

Curdellenia: a demigoddess responsible for the creation of all semi-soft cheeses…her father was Zeus and her mother was an exceptionally attractive and lactiferous cow.

Viagratinius: the god of rigidity…a minor deity worshiped by a secretive cult whose members were all older men.

Crabbathemia: a woodland nymph said to inhabit the nether regions of the great god Pan…no matter how many lotions he used to get rid of them.

The Poliplopous: a creature with the head of a sheep and the body of a goat. Considered by almost all scholars to be the least intimidating, not to mention least imaginative, monster in all of mythology.

The Columnorians: a race of giants with very spindly legs and tiny feet. Though good natured, their tendency to topple over made them a menace to ancient civilizations and some believe it was one or more of these unfortunate beings that sank Atlantis.


I don’t know about you, but I feel intellectually invigorated…or it might just be a head cold. Anyway, I’m going to be away from this here blog for a while, but I hope to be back in a month or two. So, thanks to everyone who has stopped by.

TDB

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

The Colummnorians fell over a lot? I thought they were supposed to be the most stable of mythological creatures. How ionic.

So you're just going to up and leave for a month or two? Wassap with that???

Jenna Howard said...

What the...a month or two? Bah.

Anonymous said...

The Absentherians: A renowned blogger who would up an leave for a month leaving behind, hundreds of mourning fans.

Anonymous said...

Leaving? Why?

For a month?!?

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...


...oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Anonymous said...

You are eternally disappointing literally tens of adoring fans.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

We'll all miss ya, DB. Hope wherever you're going to be is fun. Although if you're unable to update your blog, this place would seem to not have Innanet access, soo... That could be a limiting factor.

Will there be scenic vistas?

Will there be beautiful island women bearing cake?

How about wise old flatulent men?

Sounds good. Might not even miss the Innanet after all that cake and gas.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I can't bear to have the last comments on this post be spam, so take THIS!

Anita said...

Ha! Very good. Funny, I almost skipped over this post when you said it was going "highbrow", but then figured I might as well try to get a little intellectual stimulation for a change. Glad I did too, this was really funny!

Anonymous said...

How many times haven't I said "Good afternoon many have machines which not insuranced."

Jenna Howard said...

Wow...is TDB gonna have spam when he gets back. This'll teach him to leave us in the lurch for a month!

Anonymous said...

Jenna - I know, this place is turning into a dump. I need to check in more often and maybe mow the lawn once in a while. Will you water the plants?

Anonymous said...

Man this blog is confusing.

Anonymous said...

I'm supposed to water the plants? Aaah crap! I, um, have to go shopping to buy some replacements now.

What are we going to do about this vermin infestation though, Diesel?

Anonymous said...

oooh it's so tidy in here now.

Jae said...

Hilarious! I linked to this one.

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