Sunday, June 11, 2006

Up, up and away...

The X-Men, a new Superman movie…once again it seems that Hollywood is turning to super heroes for help at the box office. However, not every super hero is good enough to make it to the big screen…here are a few that didn’t make the cut:

The Human Puddle: can transform himself into a small pool of water at will. After his battle against the evil Dr. Mop he was never seen again.

Captain Cloaca: battles super villains by controlling the contents of the world’s sewers…though most people he tries to rescue would prefer that he didn’t.

Slo-Mo Man: his only super power is the ability to move ten times slower than any living thing on earth…he was voted world’s worst super hero three years in a row.

The Iron Evangelist & Bible Boy: this devout duo is constantly battling with an evil organization bent on world domination…the dreaded Worldwide Association of Naughty Gays, better known as W.A.N.G.

Giggle Girl: her super sonic and condescending laughter renders even the most determined super villains unable to explain their absurdly complicated evil plans.

The Flabinator: a champion bodybuilder until he was bitten by a radioactive hippo, he now uses his gargantuan, gelatinous bulk to flatten evil doers.

You’ve got to admit it’s hard to see any great merchandising deals coming out of that bunch.


Joel said...

You know TDB I think you may have dismissed this group of unlikely super heroes a bit too soon. I'm thinking each and everyone might have a future as a celebrity spokesperson...consider:

The Human Puddle - I'm thinking he could become the face of Swiffer (of picker upper fame).

Captain Cloaca - The Tidy Bowl man, if he's still around, shouldn't be.

Slo Mo Man - How about Trojan, you know, the condoms?

Iron Evangelist & Bible Boy - A natural for the 700 Club or Trinity Network.

Giggle Girl - The new spokesperson for Comedy Central.

The Flabinator - HBO's new spokesperson for The Sopranos.

I'm just saying...

The Drive-by Blogger said...

You could be right Joel, but if the 700 Club has any interest in the Iron Evangelist& Bible boy they'd better hurry...Pat Robertson ain't getting any younger. In fact, he starting to look like a cross between Yoda and a garden gnome.

joel said...

...and yet, Pat claims to be able to bench press some ungodly (oops) amount of weight. On the other hand he could just be dilusional...yeah, that's probably it.

neva said...

pat robertson claims he can press 2000 pounds (a lie from the pits of hell, no?)

TDB, you forgot:

Eczema Lad: commit a crime and he's all over you like a (really) bad rash