Friday, May 12, 2006

Stop The Music...

To be honest, I’ve never liked musicals, whether they’re on the screen or on a stage. However, it wasn’t until they started producing shows like Titanic and Momma Mia (a show based on the music of the pop group ABBA) that I realized there was almost no subject too tragic or inane to become a musical.

So here are some ideas that with the right backing could become huge hits. Now all I have to do is get Rosie O'Donnell’s phone number…

Who’s a Naughty Boy:
Based on the exploits of Jack the Ripper, played by Tommy Tune. Music by Elton John featuring such future hits as "Don’t Let This Knife Go Dull On Me" and "I’m Still Slashing". Rounding out the cast is Martin Short as the head of Scotland Yard.

The Mountains of Tennessee:
A dance revue inspired by the music and anatomy of country music legend Dolly Parton. The Olsen twins return to their show biz roots and give a memorable performance as Dolly’s breasts.

Love You Like the Plague:
A musical comedy about the "Black Death" that ravaged Europe during the 1300’s, with Nathan Lane as the last surviving priest trying his best to avoid all those dying around him. Fun for the whole family.

Beneath the Golden Arches:
The story of America’s most famous fast food joint told in song and dance. Andrew Lloyd Webber provides the music and you will believe that John Lithgow is Ronald McDonald.

Pardon My Dust Bowl:
It’s the Great Depression, as you’ve never seen it…set to music by Stephen Sondheim. Starring Mandy Patinkin as a union busting goon and Bernadette Peters as the unemployed factory girl he falls in love with…bring a hankie.


neva said...

hey... nice look! since i just had my eyes checked, and am now having to wear actual reading glasses to look at the computer screen, i reallyreally do appreciate the new colors! you've just upped your rating, in my book, to that coveted "10"!

it seems to easy to dismiss much of broadway's offerings lately to a lack of good and/or original ideas... then i come over here and read this, and realize there are plenty of good and/or original ideas -- apparently no one's taking your calls. (those bastards!)

by the way, we've only seen one show on broadway (okay, we've seen a few shows off broadway, but that doesn't count, does it?) anyway, the only show we've seen is "monty python & the holy grail", for which i shall make NO apologies. it was hilarious.

oh, and hey, can't help ya out with rosie's phone number, but i hear she has a blog (perhaps you've heard of this?). send her a note... i'm sure she'll be glad you did!

neva said...

and, by "monty python and the holy grail", you knew, of course, i meant "spamalot", right? (apparently i'm really tired, and not thinking and, in my haste to leave a comment, as opposed to a "spamment"--my new term for spam comments (feel free to use it, tell your friends), i wrote down the wrong title of the stupid friggin' musical... and why am i bothering with this anyway? it means nothing. nothing, i tell you nothing!)

that's all. spamalot. funny. like your post.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Thanks Neva...I guess it would be hard even for the folks on broadway to screw up Monty Python material.

And if I ever do get to talk to Rosie, the first thing I'm going to ask her is what the hell is with that "haiku" style of writing she's using on her blog.

By the way,spamment would also make a great name for a pork flavored gum.