To be honest, I’ve never liked musicals, whether they’re on the screen or on a stage. However, it wasn’t until they started producing shows like Titanic and Momma Mia (a show based on the music of the pop group ABBA) that I realized there was almost no subject too tragic or inane to become a musical.
So here are some ideas that with the right backing could become huge hits. Now all I have to do is get Rosie O'Donnell’s phone number…
Who’s a Naughty Boy:
Based on the exploits of Jack the Ripper, played by Tommy Tune. Music by Elton John featuring such future hits as "Don’t Let This Knife Go Dull On Me" and "I’m Still Slashing". Rounding out the cast is Martin Short as the head of Scotland Yard.
The Mountains of Tennessee:
A dance revue inspired by the music and anatomy of country music legend Dolly Parton. The Olsen twins return to their show biz roots and give a memorable performance as Dolly’s breasts.
Love You Like the Plague:
A musical comedy about the "Black Death" that ravaged Europe during the 1300’s, with Nathan Lane as the last surviving priest trying his best to avoid all those dying around him. Fun for the whole family.
Beneath the Golden Arches:
The story of America’s most famous fast food joint told in song and dance. Andrew Lloyd Webber provides the music and you will believe that John Lithgow is Ronald McDonald.
Pardon My Dust Bowl:
It’s the Great Depression, as you’ve never seen it…set to music by Stephen Sondheim. Starring Mandy Patinkin as a union busting goon and Bernadette Peters as the unemployed factory girl he falls in love with…bring a hankie.