Sunday, May 06, 2007

Helping others to help themselves...

While wandering around aimlessly through cyberspace I came across a site called wikiHow, which describes itself as “The How-To Manual That Anyone Can Write or Edit”.

Among other things, at this site you can learn how to camp out in the rain, live with an elderly person or celebrate Earthday. Now, I’ve no idea why anyone would want to do any of those things, but disseminating information of dubious value is right up my alley, so here’s a list of articles that I’m thinking about writing that will tell you how to:

Housebreak a badger

Polish your uvula

Perform an emergency appendectomy using only a steak knife and a pair of salad tongs

Have your in-laws declared “enemy combatants” and shipped off to Guantanamo Bay

Turn your child’s old chemistry set into a whiskey still

Harvest earwax for fun and profit

Covert that useless old collection of vinyl records into a lovely coffee table

Iron your clothes while still wearing them

Cure a bad case of crabs with Tabasco sauce and sawdust

Cook a Thanksgiving Day turkey with a car battery

Well, I guess I better get started on these articles…anyone know where I can find a badger?

Listed on


Anonymous said...

OK, I thought you were just funnin' us. There's some mighty fine info there. Milkin' squirrels fer fun and profit caught my attention. So did "possum, the other white meat". You dang Yanks couldn't organize a dog fight between two PO'd Pit bulls.


Zoning Out Again said...

I didn't think you could cure crabs with Tabasco sauce! I usually use lighter fluid with the sawdust. (and light it of course).
Have any ideas for 3rd degree burns and caked on baking powder?

Mz Jackson said...

Please write about the earwax. Not that I have a problem with that or anything ~ahem~

Kuanyin said...

Polish your uvula??? Hmmmmm...that sounds intriguing!

Hey, you be tagged by me!

Lisa said...

Badger. I've got one for you. He lives across the street from me and is definitely in need of a polishing.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Anonymous- Hmmm...possum.

Zoning Out Again- Your method is a little too hardcore for me. Oh, and a belt sander should take care of that caked on baking powder.

Mz Jackson- Earwax it is then...will that be for fun or profit?

Kuanyin- Doh! I mean...No hablo inglés.

Lisa- Thanks, does FedEx have overnight badger delivery?

Meghan said...

Have your in-laws declared “enemy combatants” and shipped off to Guantanamo Bay

If you could just focus on the WikiHow of the above, that'd be super.

Robin said...

I can cook a hot dog with a lantern battery. It's one of the few things I remember from 3rd grade.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Meghan - I figured that one might be popular...but I think the Department of Homeland Security may have beaten me to it.

Robin- Well, that's more than I can remember from 3rd grade...and several grades after.

Allen said...

It's all in the wikihow article "How to get a badger."

twistedsister said...

Can't wait for the one on "in-laws". I've been the "outlaw" for far too long!

Diesel said...

Sorry it took so long to get over here. I've been camping in the rain with my grandma to celebrate Earth Day. You have no idea how difficult that is.

Paul said...

The appendectomy with the steak knife and salad tongs seems particularly useful. Sometimes, especially at family gatherings around the holidays, you really wouldn't want to create a disturbance by having to call 911.

rjlight said...

I have a pile of earwax in storage and was wondering how I could turn it into some cold cash. Please tell me.

Ernest Chee said...

How about cooking an egg on top of the Intel CPU ?

Speedcat Hollydale said...

Make a birds nest from cut toenails. ??

Good fun :-) and a great post!

Speedcat Hollydale