Saturday, May 12, 2007

A few scattered thoughts...

No, that rattling sound you hear isn’t ball bearings in a coconut shell, its just a few random musings jostling each other for space in the limited real estate that is my brain. Read on and I’ll shake a few loose for you…


These days the word “whacked” is used as a euphemism for a murder committed by the mob. In the 1940’s it was “rubbed out” (at least according to old gangster films). What I’d like to know is did they have a meeting to decide on this and more importantly, why do both terms seem to have masturbatory connotations?

To help out first time parents, someone should manufacture diapers with some kind of color-coded warning system. For example, the diaper might turn blue if it’s just wet, orange for an ordinary bowel movement and if it turns neon green, you might want to break out the biohazard suits.

Judging from the women who star in the shows “The Ghost Whisperer” an “Medium” there seems to be a link between paranormal ability and large breasts. Clearly, this requires more research…and I’m ready to do my part.

Fettuccine Alfredo, Eggs Benedict, Beef Wellington…I don’t care what it tastes like, food named after people just creeps me out.

I bet you could probably make a lot of money by using disappearing ink to tattoo people who have a fear of commitment but still want to be trendy.

Have you ever noticed how sometimes someone will combine two words to form an entirely new one, like infotainment or advertorial? Well, I think I’ve come up with one that could catch on: poshtitute. It would be used to refer to only the most expensive hookers available.

A word of advice to the GEICO company: in those commercials with the perpetually offended cavemen, you might want to add a few cavewomen or people might start talking…if you know what I mean.

Someone should find out if there’s a market for a Braille edition of the game “Twister


Well, I gotta run, if I’m more than 10 minutes late, my electroshock therapist charges me double.

Listed on humor-blogs.com

20 comments:

twistedsister said...

poshtitute! you crack me up :-)

Zoning Out Again said...

The diaper idea is great, but it would be cool if they just made them clear so you could see it as soon it is happens. (What ever it is).
They won't do any of that though because then the diaper rash ointment companies would go out of business. (Most likely they are the diaper rash companies also).

I don't know about the pability linked with big boobs, but I'm getting a vision that you will be coming over to my page to give me some advice about my Bra Fat issue. Real advice, not the fake "yeah, yeah-here-I-am-so-you'll-stop-harrassing-me" advice.
In all your ponderings you must have at one point in your life thought about Bra Fat?! Right? No? Come over anyhow! :0)

Zoning Out Again said...

Oops, that was supposed to be "the paranormal linked with big boobs".

I know you know what I meant. :0)

HollyGL said...

Braille edition of Twister... Very creative, and certain to fly off the shelves (seriously)!

paisley said...

you are definately a trip....

The Drive-by Blogger said...

twistedsister- thank you kindly.

Zoning Out Again- I like the idea of an evil diaper rash ointment cartel and is it me or does Bra Fat sound like the name of an evil henchman in a James Bond movie?

HollyGL- Now if we could only convince the Milton Bradley company.

paisley- That's mildly to say the least:)

Lord Likely said...

I have used many poshtitutes over the years. Only the very best for a lord!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

paisley- of course I meant to say that's "putting it" mildly.

Lord Likely- And lucky they were to have you as a client, your Lordship.

Diesel said...

Women with big boobs always seem to know exactly what I'm thinking. It's uncanny. Well, sometimes I give it away by making the motorboat sound.

Goldy said...

you haven't heard that ghosts are receptive to well-endowed women? :)

Bernie said...

re: Fettuccine Alfredo, Eggs Benedict, Beef Wellington…I don’t care what it tastes like, food named after people just creeps me out
I was thinking the same thing last time I had a Big Mac.

Joel Bezaire said...

Re: The Ghost Whisperer.

I have heard it said that Jennifer Love Hewitt (the large breasted paranormal on said show) was the most divisive woman for any marital relationship.

Meaning, if I casually mentioned to my wife that I though Salma Hayek was attractive, she would be OK with that. HOWEVER, if I mention the same thing about Ms. Hewitt, she absolutely goes off on me.

I was told this would happen by a friend (who had it happen to him), and since I have passed it on, it has been true for everyone.

A word of warning to the married gents. The wives don't like the large breasted paranormals.

Jenna Howard said...

So...I should go into the paranormal realm. Awesome. Have always wondered what to be when I grew up.

How the heck did I get to be in the top 5 of links? Although I am competing with comments. Hard to top that. (I did beat Neva though. sa-weeet!)

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Diesel- The motorboat sound...and I would imagine the drooling is also a dead give away.

Goldy- Nobody tells me anything.

Bernie- I had forgotten about the Big Mac...I may never eat again.

Joel Bezaire - Married men every where are indebted to you for the warning.

Jenna Howard- You don't say?...those lucky Canadian ghosts!

DaisyMae Maus said...

Hmmm ... Paranormals with big boobs? Yep ... I guess that you're right.

Thanks for stoppin' by my blog today!
DMM

brent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Toboggans said...

You have been too late, too often so I have given away your appointment to a more motivated client. But if you reschedule with my secretary, I will pencil you in for a double electro- shock next week.

brent said...

Don't mind the doctor, he is just frustrated at the "inadequacies" of his personal para-normal assistant.
I'm sure he won't zap you any harder than usual.

But you might want to wear your rubber skivvies just in case.

rjlight said...

Okay, I know what my son has put in his diaper -- no need for color-coding I have a nose. Secondly, it has been proven that big-breasted women can read minds--Diesel was right on--of course, most of the time it's not necessary when the slobber comes dripping out the mouth and the man can't make eye contact...

The Drive-by Blogger said...

brent- Give my regards to the good Doctor. I understand his frustration...I've seen his personal assistant.

rjlight- Yes, the old 'sniff' test...I believe science can do better.