It’s no secret that merchandising is a part of sports, but it appears that baseball is taking it to another level. A company called Eternal Image has made a deal with Major League Baseball to sell urns and coffins that feature the logos and colors of all 30 teams.
Since it is pretty clear that Major League Baseball will put its brand on just about anything, I have a few suggestions of my own…
Condoms: If you’re not looking to add any new “players” to your home team, just remember to cover your “Louisville slugger” with one of these and it’s “off to the old ballgame!” Available in three sizes: Homerun king, Utility player and Batboy.
Fertilizer: Want your lawn to look as green as centerfield? Then try Major League Baseball brand industrial strength fertilizer. Made from the droppings of only the finest steroid filled cows, this crap will grow grass on concrete.
Ski masks: Baseball is basically a warm weather sport, but when winter comes and you’re ready to hit the slopes you can still show your love for the game by wearing a ski mask emblazoned with the logo of your favorite team. And if someone should decide to rob a liquor store while wearing one, well as they say, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.
Cereal: Oatmeal and fruit might be ok for soccer loving foreigners, but if you want your children to have the energy they need for little league baseball, then pour them a heaping bowl of “Frosted Golden Glovies”. The cereal that’s 98 percent pure sugar and 2 percent of some other edible substance*
*“Frosted Golden Glovies” has been known to cause comas in children under the age of five.
Ah yes, crass commercialism…now there is a great national pastime.
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