Thursday, April 12, 2007

Talk is cheap...

I hate “talk radio”…I always have. It doesn’t matter what’s being talked about, politics, sports or automotive repair, I just wish it would all go away.

This recent incident with Don Imus is just further proof that “talk radio” is the work of the Devil…or at least one of his higher ranking demons. I mean, you’ve got to have some seniority to unleash that kind of evil on the world. Anyway, the only sound that should ever emanate from a radio is music…just the way the God Apollo intended.

So since Imus has apparently lost his radio job the question now becomes what will replace it? If the station insists on going with something other than music, I have listed a few things that I would rather hear than “talk radio”…

A dozen or so flatulent gorillas

The mournful wailing of the eternally damned

The hacking coughs of a room full of four- pack-a-day cigarette smokers

The complete works of Shakespeare as performed by the surviving cast members of the original “Star Trek” series

The incessant buzzing of a swarm of West Nile virus carrying mosquitoes (actually, this might be to close too talk radio as it already exists)

A series of lectures by James Lipton on the contribution made to the art of acting by the girl who played “Tootie” on the TV show “The Facts of Life”

Every book on tape ever recorded…played backwards.

The mating call of a Bull Moose during the height of the rutting season ( If the station can’t find a recording of this I can do a fair imitation for them…what? I can’t have a hobby?)

I may hate “talk radio” but I like


Sher said...


I agree. Rush Limbaugh, Howard Stern, Don Imus; none of them have anything on flatulent gorillas.

Jaesoreal said...

I second the gorillas!

Diesel said...

If I ever start my own radio show, can I call it "The Wailing of the Damned?" That would be the coolest name ever.

Joel said...

Good ideas all but I believe there are cable TV networks already dedicated to each...perhaps a simulcast is in order?

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Thanks Sher and jaesoreal, glad to know I've got some people on my side.

Hey Diesel, absolutely, just send me a tee shirt.

Joel, you know, I forgot about the simulcast, probably because I still can't believe anyone would actually televise a radio about riveting television!

Kuanyin said...

You've got me on your side 2! Talk Radio is for....well, I won't say the word! :-) I like all your suggested replacements!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Thanks Kuanyin, may my anti-talk radio army continue to grow!

Judith said...

Very funny. Love your blog.