Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Hooray for Hollywierd...

I thought I’d give this gossip columnist thing a try. Here are some tidbits from Tinseltown that you might not have heard:

Tom Cruise, Margot Kidder, Anne Heche and Martin Lawrence have joined forces to open their own mental health facility. According to a statement released by the actors, the facility is to serve as a place of refuge from the insidious influence of psychiatry, illegal drugs and alien abduction and/or probing.

Sharon Stone’s vagina has reportedly filed for a trial separation citing irreconcilable differences, but a source close to the pair said they have been fighting since the box office flop of Basic Instinct 2.

In an appearance on The View, Ms. Stone’s vagina had this to say: "Look, let’s not mince words here. I’m the only reason she’s a star. Before I made my screen debut in the first Basic Instinct movie, she was a nobody!"

A spokesperson for Ms. Stone said "she and her vagina are trying to work things out and hopes that everyone will respect their privacy during this difficult time."

Following the recent death of talk show host Mike Douglas, there was a mix up when the funeral hearse accidentally wound up at the home of aging actor Michael Douglas. Sources say it took Catherine Zeta Jones four hours to convince her husband to come down from the attic.

50,000 copies of Paris Hilton’s CD are reportedly missing. Officials for Homeland Security have expressed concern that they may have fallen into the hands of terrorists and could be used as instruments of torture…at least to anyone with good taste in music.

Now that is a scary thought.


Anonymous said...

It depresses me that there are actually 50,000 CDs of Paris Hilton...singing.

Sigh. When did civilization turn this nightmarish?

The Drive-by Blogger said...

I just wonder what she might try her hand at next...a novel? painting? So many art forms to desecrate, so little time.

Dan said...

Funny blog! I found your blog from some other funny blog (and I intend on linking to this and the other ... if only I can remember where the heck the other one was).

All we humorous bloggers must band together to rid the blogosphere of over-earnestness, endless political diatribes, endless prattling about insipid details of personal lives.

The revolution has begun ... or something.

(Please visit my blog for a few laughs as well.)

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Hey Dan, thanks for the visit and the link. I will be certain to drop by your blog.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Look. Just because Paris Hilton is...

Okay. I was going to try to, like, pretend to defend Paris, and then, like, make a joke about it, but I couldn't even get that far without horking Milk Duds all over my keyboard.

Seriously. WHY? I work for the library system, and some sparrowfart librarian decided to put it in our collection. This, needless to say, gives me gas.