And what a week it was. It seems as though not only nature, but the entire world is out to show me that reality is just weirder (not to mention funnier) than anything I can make up. Take for example the following genuine news items…
RIVERSIDE, Calif. - An exotic animal with a long snout, bear-like claws and a tail like a raccoon scared the heck out of some narcotics investigators searching a home for drugs.
It was eventually identified as a coatimundi, usually found in the forests of Central and South America.
Possessing a coatimundi is illegal in California without a license. Fish and game official Kyle Chang said the animal's owner, 29-year-old Norman James Vollan, will have to give it up to a zoo or to someone with an exotic animal license.
He "was pretty much crying in jail" when he learned he would lose his coatimundi, Chang said.
Now, I’m no expert on these matters, but I really believe that having to explain to your fellow inmates that you’re crying because someone took your coatimundi…is not a good thing.
WHITE PLAINS, NY - A man who was fired by IBM for visiting an adult chat room during the workday is suing the company for $5 million, claiming he is an Internet addict who “deserves treatment and sympathy rather than dismissal.”
Then with all the solemn dignity he could muster, he pulled his pants up from around his ankles and left the building.
PETA red in face over TV lobster treatment
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is boiling mad over a recent episode of "Iron Chef" in which Graham Bowles ripped the tails off two lobsters.
PETA members protested in front of the Food Network's Chelsea offices yesterday. One demonstrator dressed as a giant lobster held a sign reading: "Iron Chef Mean Cuisine."
Where’s a giant pot of boiling water when you really need it?
Pennsylvania chocolate maker Hershey is moving a bigger chunk of its production to Mexico, officials said yesterday. The company said it will cut 1,500 jobs and close some plants
"Whenever they move something out the country, that's not good news," said Dennis Bomberger, of Chocolate Workers Local 464.
As of yet there has been no comment from the Lollipop Guild.
Peanut butter & a jam in salmonella outbreak
Peter Pan peanut butter got the hook from New York store shelves yesterday after the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention linked it to nearly 300 salmonella poisoning cases nationwide.
Mmm…peanut butter and salmonella sandwiches. Just like momma used to make!
Oh well, at least I’ll always have snide comments to fall back on.
Listed on humor-blogs.com