Saturday, February 10, 2007

I got ya numbers right here...


Of all the different, quasi-mystical, pseudo-scientific fields of “learning” out there, I find numerology to be the most annoying. Perhaps it’s because it involves math, which was the bane of my existence all through school.

However, lately I’ve been wondering if I’ve been too hasty in my judgement. After all Jim Carrey has taken the trouble to make a movie about it. Remember, this is the same actor who probed the deepest theological and metaphysical questions of our time in his film “Bruce Almighty”.

So, with your indulgence, I thought I’d dabble in a little numerological study of my own. Let’s start with the year that we are now in, 2007. If you add the first and last digits you get 9. Now, 9 is the number of calories that the average fashion model consumes in a month. There are 4 weeks in a month and 52 weeks in a year. 52 plus 4 equals 56, which also happens to be the combined IQ scores of the TV executives who thought that the “Tony Danza” show was a good idea. But wait, there’s more…

Tony Danza was a cast member on a show called “Taxi” that went on the air in 1978. If you multiply 19 by 78 you get 1,482 which is the number of times that I’ve overheard someone singing the song “Fergalicious” in the last 36 hours. If you divide 36 by 2 you get 18, which is exactly how old that young woman claimed to be on the night the police keep interrogating me about.

Fascinating, isn’t it? Well, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get this information to my lawyer and find out if it’s admissible in court. If not, I have a feeling that the numbers 10 to 20 could be looming large in my future. Bruce Almighty don’t fail me now!

*The Drive-by Blogger assumes no responsibility for any errors in the complex mathematical computations contained in this post.

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10 comments:

Joel Bezaire said...

Being a math teacher, I must say that I completely approve of the work you have done in this post...are you SURE you're not a closet mathematician?

Crys said...

somehow i just can't see Jim Carey slitting someone's throat.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Joel- It's good to hear that from a math teacher...it kind of makes up for the one I nearly drove to suicide.

Crys- Perhaps not in a movie, but in real life...maybe.

St Jude said...

I'd rather not see Jim Carey, full stop!!

Diesel said...

I've always thought that numerology didn't make any sense. That's why I only deal with rational numbers.

Paul "FooDaddy" Brand said...

Okay. You ever see Insomnia? It cast Robin Williams as a bad guy--a murderer. That was scary enough. "Hey! He can't be evil! He's Patch Adams!"

So now there's a movie where Ace Ventura gets all county and stuff? You gotta lend me somma that TrumpMole cough syrup of yers, DriveBy.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

No problem Foodaddy...I think I've got a extra bottle around here somewhere.

That's one clever little bitch! (Also known as Yvonne) said...

You're an absolute mathmatical genius!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Aw, shucks...I bet you say that to all the boys. (quickly hides calculator)

Urilla said...

Good words.