Saturday, August 05, 2006

Rest in peace...

The rich are different than you and me and that includes what they want done with their remains after they have shuffled off this mortal coil. Have a look at the final arrangements desired by these notable figures…


Dick Cheney: wants to be freeze-dried, turned into pellets and shot into Michael Moore’s face.


Bill Gates: in case his plan to have his brain transplanted into a robot doesn’t workout, the privacy obsessed billionaire is looking to buy the moon to use as his own personal burial site.


Donald Trump: classy as ever, Donald’s body is to be gold plated, mounted on a diamond encrusted marble pedestal and placed on top of his casino. It’s rumored that Trump has turned down requests to leave his hair to science.


Martha Stewart: wishes to have her bones bleached to a pearly white, festooned with tinsel and shaped into a lovely Christmas wreath.


Richard Simmons: the fitness guru has stated that all of his pallbearers must weigh at least three hundred pounds and everyone who attends his funeral must jog, not walk or drive, from the church to the cemetery.


Madonna: inspired by her belief in the kabbala, Madge would like to be buried in a secret tomb somewhere on Mount Sinai with all of her former backup dancers. She is apparently under the impression this is what Moses had done.


If I ever become rich I think I’ll try to get the Tupperware people to make my casket…who knows it might catch on and their slogan could be “freshness for eternity”.

8 comments:

Jenna Howard said...

Oh just admit it TDB. You want your Tupperware container to burp when it's opened.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Yep you're right. Of course, if Tupperware won't do it, I'll probably have to settle for one of those plastic Ziploc bags.

Jenna Howard said...

Me? Stylin' in a martini shaker thank you very much.

Ooh a Ziploc, TDB. How stylin' of you. I think I just swooned.

neva said...

i don't know... i started laughing so hard after the Dick Cheney freeze-dried pellets i lost whatever clever thought i had. i'm thinking it involved chocolate, but i can't remember quite how.

too funny! and dark (exactly the way i like my chocolate) xo

Joel said...

TDB...I think you're on to something with the tupperware and the ziplocks. A low-cost, yet efficient line of "caskets" is the perfect brand expansion for either product. I've never understood the concept of spending thousands upon thousands for a box that will never be seen again and, essentially, will be nothing more than a pretty dust pan.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Thanks Joel, I guess those are just the kind of ideas you come up with when you start out life as a kid that prefers Edgar Allan Poe to Dr.Seuss.

Jae said...

I want to be stuffed and sat on the couch. I love my family and want them to pass me down to my kids and grandkids as a family heirloom. People always want to know what to leave their kids. I figure just don''t leave!

The Drive-by Blogger said...

If I tried that I'm certain I'd just wind up in an attic or used as an extra chair at the next family gathering.